Waiting on God

Sometimes it is unbelievably hard to wait on God. In fact, for me, it's that way about all of the time. I know what I want, and I want it right now. We live in a society of instant gratification. Somehow, God doesn't work that way.

We want to set deadlines and expect Him to abide by them. God doesn't work that way.

We want to tell Him exactly what we want to happen and how to make that happen. I call that writing the script. God doesn't work that way.

We want to know how things are going to be in a day, a week, a month, a year. God doesn't work that way.

Instead, God faithfully reveals His plan just one step at a time and only as we are ready for that step. How does that work?

I do believe it is okay to ask Him to do His will and to tell Him what the desires of my heart are. He may or may not incorporate those into His plan for me, but I can tell Him my thoughts. I have to avoid making demands or bargaining. I have to be walking in His will, studying His Word and staying in contact with Him. In those ways, He may reveal His will. He may reveal it through other people - in a sermon, in wise counsel or even just in conversation with someone else. I am to remember what He does for me and use that to honor Him and glorify Him. And I am to be patient until God answers my prayer. He will do so in His own time. He will ALWAYS answer my prayer.

And in the meantime, my responsibility is just to wait on God. As long as it takes, until the answer comes or the desires of my heart change which is an answer also. So I am waiting.

Thank You

This has been a rough week for me. This morning, my husband and I attended the funeral of a friend of many years. We went to church with this man's family for six years and his younger daughter and my son were good buddies from first grade through college. It was a bittersweet time of saying good-bye, encouraging my friend, his wife, and for me - watching the flag folded for the last time in honor of his military service. That was so hard as it brought back the haunting memory of watching the honor guard do that at my dad's funeral.

Many people we went to church with for a long time were there. It was a special time to see them and catch up a little on them and their families. As we turned to leave, one young woman stopped me and told me she wanted to thank me for teaching her Sunday School class when she was in the 7th and 8th grades. She told me how much she appreciated the letters I wrote her and the way I conducted the class and that she patterns her own Bible Studies after it.

Wow! What an unexpected blessing. And this week when I've been feeling like an utter and complete failure for the example I led for someone I love very much for her entire lifetime, I am grateful that occasionally, I did something right. I am humbled to know that I touched this woman's life in a lasting way, and yet that was my prayer all those years ago. In fact, when God called me to teach that class, I didn't want to do it. (I told people I asked Him, "Are you sure you got the right number?") Many times I have said that girls between the ages of 12 and 15 should be left on a deserted island until they return to "human" at age 16. I never dreamed I would ever see any fruits of those years, but God knew I needed some encouragement today. And He gave it to me in an unexpected place from an unexpected source. How I thank Him for that.

The young woman I wrote about earlier this week shared with me today that she has received God's peace in her situation. I am grateful for that as well. I believe in His promises to her and I believe if she will Wait for Him, she will be rewarded.

Be sure and thank God today for the blessings He brings to your life. They are all around us, if we will stop to see them.

On my Knees

Once again, I am standing on the sidelines watching the pain of two people I care for very much. It is so hard to stand by and wish you could fix the situation and know that you cannot.

But God can. I have continued to pray earnestly for God's Hand to reach down and solve the problems and heal the hurts. Oh, how I pray for that. He has given me promises in His Word, and I believe them, but while I struggle to "Wait for the Lord", I am so discouraged.

God always answers our prayers. He may not always do so in the timeframe we choose or in the manner we choose, but He always answers. I do know that. But I can't help but pray that He do what is right for these two people, and that what I want for them be the right thing.

I know they are praying as well. They will get through this one way or another, and I pray that in doing so, they will honor God and He will be glorified in the end. I am so thankful that I have the freedom and privilege of praying like this.

Those Difficult Days

Ever had a week where one thing after another just seems to go wrong and you can't pull yourself out of the mire? That's me today. I have wished for "do-overs" for days. I thought my heart was in the right place when I made the decisions I made, but in the end, others have struggled and I have struggled and I finally realized last week that my heart wasn't in the right place because I haven't been as close to God as I need to be.

I am a faithful prayer warrior. If I tell someone I will pray for him, I do that. On Saturday, I was so distraught over a situation, that I couldn't even formulate a sentence in prayer. But God is faithful even in our groanings in that instance. He directed me to the Psalms and I literally prayed verses from the Psalms. What a precious time it ended up being for me, and what a blessing when He directed me to a passage that said my prayers had been answered.

But I have not been spending time in God's Word. So, last week, I got back into that. Several years ago, I had a "Read the Bible in One Year" plan that I used and marked the days in my Bible. All I have to do is pick it up and open it to the current day and read. No excuses not to get it done. No fumbling with papers back and forth. It's easy. I just got out of the habit. So I started back. Found August dates in Isaiah and I am reading through the oracles pronouncing judgment against the various nations. Obviously, the Lord was very displeased and He wanted to bring these mighty nations down, to humble them so they would look to Him.

I see our own nation in those judgments. Many of their sins are the ones we accept and commit daily in America. We rely on our status as a "super power" to carry us through, but the truth is, we are vulnerable because we do not honor God in our land. And I see that it begins with me. I need to focus on Him more. I need to immerse myself in His Word and in addition to just living it, I need to be saying it. I need to make my convictions known.

I don't know exactly how I will go about this, but God will reveal to me His Plan for me.

As I just said to my daughter about another matter, pray for His answers. Pray for direction. Pray for wisdom. And pray expecting the answer.

Just What IS Submission?

What is submission and how is it measured? Most men will tell you it is a woman doing what she's told by her husband. Most women will say it is having to give in no matter what. Is that true?

I don't believe it is. My answer is involved and has taken me all over the Bible searching for the answer. To my surprise, the word "submit" and it's related words "submitted" and "submitting" occur only 16 times in the Bible (Strong's Concordance). It took me about ten minutes to look up every reference. Only two of those references involve husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:22 and Colossians 3:18). Both times that the Apostle Paul wrote that, he added as to the Lord.

Just what does that mean?

When I submit to God's will, it comes after prayer. I discuss the situation with the Lord; I tell Him my thoughts, my desires, my preferences, and He takes all of those into consideration before answering my prayer and leading me to the path He wants me to take. I then have to decide whether to go that way, or to go my own way. Particularly, if I want to go my own way, it is hard to submit, but I know that He has listened to my petitions and supplications, and I know that He has promised me that He only wants what is best for me. Choosing His way is submission and I can do that confidently, because I know Him and His Character.

Submission must work the same way in marriage. I must be able to express my thoughts, desires and preferences to my husband, confident that he will listen and weigh those in with his own thoughts, desires and preferences before he makes a decision. With few exceptions, my husband has faithfully done that and I trust him. I don't always like the decisions, but I can live with them.

What happens otherwise? Occasionally, I mess up as a wife. Occasionally, my husband messes up. Sometimes, it just hinges on the presentation. Not long ago, my husband announced he was switching our internet service. I have handled that particular choice, after discussion with him, for many years. I have scheduled all appointments, dealt with all problems (the tech support department knows me well), paid all the bills. I've done it all, and I heartily resented this dictatorial statement. In fact, it made me mad. My initial response was, "No, you're not." He said, "It's cheaper."

In a few minutes, when I had calmed down, I was able to rationally explain, "Look, I've been dealing with this for years. I finally have everything working well. If you want to make a change, we need to talk about it. For one thing, I just paid the bill, so I don't want to switch until the next payment is due. Secondly, I don't want to be without the internet, so I would like to overlap the two services for about a week so I can switch back and forth if necessary until all the kinks are worked out. Also, I would appreciate it if we could have a discussion about something like this instead of an announcement that you have made a decision about something that involves me so much more than it involves you. I am here all day and all night nearly all the time. You have other options if it isn't working since you have a backup at your office."

In the end, he is going to switch the provider, but he has agreed to allow for the overlap and wait until the end of the month to do it. I hope he also thought about his presentation for the next issue.

What happens when a wife feels she has no input? Several things, actually. She may lose her joy because she feels she is not valued or respected. When the joy is gone, her spirit may be broken and replaced by resentment and detachment in her relationship with her husband. Believe me, it takes a very godly woman not to experience those things. And sometimes, the resentment can last a very long time.

When our dog died a number of years ago, I declared that I never wanted another dog. I was so saddened by his loss that I absolutely did not want to go through that ever again. Several months passed and I stopped at the pet store for guinea pig feed. A shelter was having an adoption drive in front of the store, and there was this cute and sweet dog, quietly sitting in his crate with big soulful eyes. I made myself walk past. I went in the store and found the feed I needed, but went back outside and looked at that dog again. And I petted him. And I went back in the store. This went on for about 30 minutes. I knew my husband (and our kids) really wanted another dog. I knew if I took him home, they would all be thrilled. Even so, because I believe I am to be a submissive wife, I wouldn't make that decision on my own, because it is a huge, long-term commitment. My husband, when I called his cell phone, was in a taxi headed for the Philadelphia airport for a late-night flight home. When I asked if he wanted a dog, he cried out, "YES! What kind of dog?" He was all for it. Still again, I asked, "Are you absolutely sure?" "Absolutely!"

Enter "Beau" whom I renamed Samson after the significant struggle of getting that very muscular dog into my car - a place he had no desire to go. As I expected, he was welcomed with open arms and loved by all.

Meanwhile, my son and one of the property managers had gone to a shelter and selected a dog to be a watch dog on a property we owned. She was chosen for her size, scary looks and avid barking. They didn't know until she was placed on the property about her propensity to roll over on her back hoping for a belly-rub until she started doing it to potential thieves who would stop by the gate on the property. That was a pretty good giveaway that she wasn't going to hurt them if they scaled the fence.

My husband started talking about having to find another place for her and my kids were devastated because they'd fallen in love with her. We were, at that time, searching for a new home and hoping to find one with a large lot because Samson was systematically dismantling the small yard we had. The fountain cord was chewed up. So, too, the malibu lighting system. He pulled thirteen rosebushes out of the ground, roots and all in one day. He took off every window screen and completely demolished them to the tune of $600 replacement cost. The last thing we needed was another dog.

I told my husband, he could bring home Katina (the watch dog failure) if we moved. I was standing in the kitchen fixing supper one evening when Doug and our daughter came in the front door. Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a black flash. Going to investigate, I found he had brought the dog home and now we had two in the small yard with all the negative ramifications you can imagine. I was not happy.

We did find another house after a few months, and moving helped. But quite honestly, and not without some embarrassment, I admit that I never really warmed up to Katina. She tried. I was her favorite person, but she knew she wasn't my favorite dog. For the first time ever, I turned over daily dog duty to my husband. She was so much to handle that I couldn't even take them to the vet by myself. I resented that as it made me feel inadequate and out of control. It's not that I couldn't or wouldn't do what I needed to for her, but the resentment lasted throughout her life. That's not right on my part, and it wasn't right for her. It changed Samson's life as well because she refused to be house-broken, and I refused to have one inside and one outside, so Samson was banned to the great outdoors as well.

Submission is an instruction from God. I know that and I don't mind that. But with it comes the responsibility for couples to communicate honestly and openly with each other so that informed decisions are made and each feels a part of the process. That's how Christ deals with His bride, the Church. She knows He is faithful to listen and make decisions for her benefit. Husbands must be that way in marriage as well.

Finding my Focus

Our household has been involved in the stress of friends this week. Many things are going on in their lives, and they have filtered in and by necessity, we have had to be involved in much of the emotional outcry of the situation.

That situation has brought to mind problems we have had ourselves and the painful times we've endured. It has been a reminder of my own failures and faults that hasn't been very pleasant. And yet, I realize, I am a different person for having come through those times. I am grateful for the man God chose as my husband and for the blessings we have enjoyed.

Relationships are difficult. If one is worth building, then there must be times of reflection, times of communication, times of prayer, times of forgiveness, times of patience. Just as I Corinthians 13 says, love is many things, most of which we do not consider when we speak of love.

I've said it before, but it is worth saying again, I know that my husband wakes up every morning and decides to love me, even on the days I am unlovable. And as I have witnessed this week, I realize how very hurtful words can be, and I can honestly say, there have been very few occasions on which my husband has hurled hurtful things at me. We did fall into a habit of speaking sarcastically or hatefully recently, and it has taken diligence to break that habit. One thing I saw this week was "zingers" being hurled and knowing that they weren't said in jest but with a hidden truth. When called on that, however, it was all "just teasing".

I learned many years ago that those hurtful zingers were often used as a defense mechanism and though denied, they were not meant to be funny but to hurt.

Communication is key. Former president, Bill Clinton, traveled to North Korea this week to negotiate the release of two Americans who had been tried and sentenced to 12 years at hard labor. I won't go into the politics of this action, but I am certain that the communication between Clinton and the North Koreans was civil and polite. Even if disagreements arose, insults were not hurled and no zingers were thrown.

Honesty is a requirement for successful relationships, but honesty must be tempered with love. Even bad things that have to be said, should be expressed with caring and gentleness. I used to manage an urgent care center. I loved the job and especially enjoyed the administrative responsibilities except for having to counsel someone about problems with job performance. I decided early on to try very hard to conduct those meetings in such a way that the employee knew that even though there might be areas that needed work, I really valued her and appreciated having her on my staff. My methodology was this. For every complaint I had, I had to come up with a compliment about her job performance and one extra. I started with a compliment, then expressed an area that needed work, then another compliment. When I began looking for those positive things to note, I found it to be far easier than I'd expected. I learned to see the good things about my staff members and how to focus on those.

This morning, the devotional I read spoke of that very thing. When met with disappointments, how do I respond? Can I look at that event and say, "If this is the worst thing that happens to me today, it is a pretty good day,"?

When it is tempting to lash out as someone for disappointing you, can you stop and look for a blessing that exists because you know him or her? Can you put aside everything you want to say until you have considered how it will sound to his or her ears? Can you show enough restraint to look at the big picture? Can you ignore the speck in his eye while dealing with the log in your own?

Most of us, in our human form, are focused on looking out for ourselves. Only when we learn to put the focus on others, will we be completely blessed in our relationships. My daughter's boyfriend is gifted in finding ways to make her happy. Watching her work to learn to find ways to do that for him is rewarding because it is reshaping who she is and I see it filtering into everything else she is doing. She has a ways to go before she masters it, but no one has had to tell her to do it. It is happening in her because it is happening to her.

So my prayer for today is that I will focus on others in my life, that my desires and needs will take a back seat to those of the people I love and come in contact with. It may mean taking a moment to thank a store clerk for her service or holding the door for a young mother struggling to complete errands with tired and cranky children. It may mean just telling my husband that I love him and I appreciate him. In fact, that is a good place to start.

I Made a Mistake

I am excited this week because it seems the treatments my daughter has undergone worked to rid her of several allergies that have wreaked havoc with her for the last several years - one for all of her life.

Traditional medicine has had nothing to offer her, so she decided to venture out of our comfort zone and try an alternative medicine. I've been labeled a fool for letting her attempt this and much maligned even hearing that the allergies were not legitimate. Right. I entered into the experiment with my own misgivings and doubts, but once it was explained by the practitioner, it made a lot more sense.

Though it is "eastern" medicine, it is not without research, history of success and is not tied to eastern religions as it is practiced. In short, it seemed worth trying.

It seems that we in the west are so caught up in the belief that only new and modern medicine can be effective and so programmed to believe that doctors are next to God Himself in ability, that we are distrustful of other methods. I am actually a registered nurse. Guess what! I know that medicine is a practice and there are no sure treatments for anything. Doctors and nurses are human and do the best they can, but knowledge is limited and medicine is not a perfect science.

A recent example of what I've heard involved the common use of Tylenol for headaches. Thirty years ago, when I was finishing nursing school, we were taught that it was impossible to overdose on Tylenol. Yet, just in the last two weeks, much has been said in the news about the significant numbers of people who are overdosing on Tylenol. Oh, we were mistaken. I see. Years have perfected our knowledge base a little more.

Though I take Tylenol on occasion, I have made strides in recent months toward more homeopathic treatments. Before I resort to pills, I try aromatherapy and a cold pack. More often than not, it works. I do believe that's what our ancestors used to treat ailments. Some worked and some did not. Just like some experimental medications work and some do not.

I'm going to try the alternative medicine myself, not just for allergies, but for other issues I am dealing with because I do not want to be on medications long-term. It may not work. But it is certainly worth trying.

Am I a fool? Perhaps, but I know for certain it can't hurt me, and it just might help. It's okay to question and research, but it really isn't okay to make judgments about what other people are deciding for themselves. I wasn't asking for an endorsement when I got my severe "dressing down". I was just asking for a little celebration about something that was special to me.

So what happened? I was hurt by the response, and I hurt the responder in retaliation. My little celebration turned into one of the darkest hours of my life. It led to hurts, tears and repercussions I hadn't dreamed of. I'm so down today it feels as though someone has died. From ecstasy to depression in one ten-minute timeframe. How I wish I could go back in time and do it all again. I'm praying I'll be forgiven and the relationship restored. Please pray with me.