The Ripple Effect

As I write this in the late afternoon, I've just heard my daughter laugh out loud. She's in her room on the phone and I hadn't heard that since yesterday morning before someone said something to her that started a ripple effect that surely wasn't expected.

Not only did it make my daughter second guess everything she had said to that person, but now she is uncomfortable around others in the same circle. I'm sure that wasn't even a consideration.

The real problem here? The person who confronted her chose to do so in an internet message rather than on the phone or in person. That was insulting to begin with because she had to read what she felt was an unfair assessment and then could not respond or ask for clarification. It wasn't what was said, but the method that caused the most hurt. Then she began to think if one person could misunderstand her, who else would do the same? All of a sudden, she feels awkward with a score of people who probably never think a thing about anything she says or does other than seeing the humor and friendship she's offering.

If there is truly a problem with one person, that needs to be addressed, no doubt. But to yank the rug out from someone and make her question her relationship with many others is the ripple effect. Everything we say or do, has that effect. How fast or far it reaches, we never know, so we have to use extra care with those around us. Think before speaking, and all that. It's not bad advice, though it has been overused until few pay attention to it.

And if you have to say something to someone that might be hurtful, do it with kindness. Don't be cowardly and send a message over the internet. Have a heart. Be willing to hear the response instead of avoiding it. Even if it makes for a few rough minutes, it shows enough concern for the person being confronted to allow that person a fair chance at understanding the whole picture instead of feeling like someone cold-cocked them and leaving them with unanswered questions turning a small issue into a major one.