This and That

Not much going on now. My daughter had a birthday which was celebrated with her graduation because her dad had to go out of town and I had to work on her birthday. She leaves this week for a few days with her brother. She's really looking forward to that and I know they will have a great time. My husband also leaves this week for a convention and it looks like they will miss the aftermath of Hurricane Gustav when it arrives Wednesday night or Thursday.

Schools started back in our area last week. My husband was racing around trying to get out the door on Tuesday and I asked where he was going in such a hurry. "School started yesterday." That was enough explanation. The school district cops stop all the traffic on the state road to allow the cars in and out of the intermediate school parking lot, backing traffic up for over half a mile twice a day. He wanted to try to beat that. It took him over 30 minutes to get on the highway - a 5-mile drive from our house.

This is the first time in 20 years that I am not buying school supplies. It is exciting to have everyone out of school and on a path to the careers of their choice. I'm proud of both of them.

No plans for Labor Day. Since my husband has been out of town, I expect he'll have to work. Still, if he wanted, I have hamburgers made up and we could have our own cookout. We'll see.

I am going to church this morning and planning to join the choir officially. I had planned to do that last week until my daughter told me as I was walking out the door that she'd left her medicine on the table at a restaurant 75 miles away. It costs over $260 a month and isn't covered by insurance, so someone had to go get it. My husband was already gone from the house, and she couldn't go without taking the medicine first - so off I went. Took me 3 hours by the time I threw in stopping for gas on my way.

Speaking of gas, have you noticed that when something happens to raise the cost of gas, it goes up immediately, but if something happens to lower the price, it doesn't happen right away because "it was already in the pipeline." Honestly, do they really think we're that stupid?

OK - enough with the random ramblings. Have a great day!

Congratulations to my Daughter

My daughter graduated today from the esthetics program in cosmetology school. We are proud of her and happy for her because she loves everything to do with this. Her biggest hope is to have the opportunity to be the makeup artist on additional films (she's done one - Thanks, Historymaker Films!!) and she'll be working to build her clientele for special occasion makeup, weddings, proms and such. And as soon as she passes her state board exams, she'll be looking for an opening in a spa to do facials and skin care.

The future is a bit daunting for her as she waits to see what opens up. But God has a plan.

Sometime back, I wrote about a young woman going through some tough times. That was my daughter. She made someone mad at school and the woman (40ish) waited two months to start acting mad and another couple of weeks before she told my daughter what the problem was. My daughter had apologized at the time of the occurrence, so this was a total shock. She apologized again and hoped things would get better, but they didn't. In fact, she actually received veiled threats and became very afraid while at school.

She realized back in October that this was what she wanted to do and began searching for a school. We were pleased with the first one we saw, but my husband kept dragging his feet and wasn't on board with the whole thing. I prayed and prayed about this and tried very hard not to try to influence him in any way other than by prayer (and admitting what I spend for skin care treatments). Still, he wouldn't agree to it.

Then my own skin care therapist suggested we go and look at the school she attended. My daughter was not enthusiastic, but she agreed and we went on the first day off she had. I liked this school much more than the previous one, but she was very noncommittal. As we walked out, I said, "You weren't impressed." She said, "No, I actually like it much better than the other one." She was abiding by her dad's constant chant - Never let them see you like it.

To our great surprise, two days later, my husband agreed to her attending this school - even though it cost more and was farther away - increased gas costs and $80 a month in toll charges and all. We were shocked. She had to pay for part of her tuition, but ultimately, we'd seen God turn "Pharoah's heart" in allowing her to attend this school at all. So we knew she was in the right place.

Still, no one wants to be terrified every day. Two days after the threat, I got a text message from her in the middle of the day telling me she was so scared she was shaking. I immediately sent text messages, emails, even a MySpace message to prayer partners and sent scripture reminding her that God is her Strong Tower. An hour later, I sent another message to her and asked if she was okay. The woman who'd threatened her had gone to lunch and came back and was sick at her stomach and had to go home. How's that for a quick answer? I think God definitely has a sense of humor, don't you? Over the next few weeks, the fear eased as she relied more and more on God. It was awesome to watch God at work in her life.

Once she was down to only needing 48 hours to complete the course, she was allowed to stay late and go in on Saturday, so she did - 12-hour days last Thursday and Friday and yesterday and five hours on Saturday so she could finish today. What tenacity and now she's on to bigger and better things. I can't wait to see what God leads her to do. It's going to be a great ride!

If you'd like to see a trailer for the film she worked on this summer go to historymakerfilms.com and click on "Fully Alive".

Contentment

When things are going along swimmingly, it is easy to forget to notice that I'm content. And I am content. My son is loving his new place and his new job. My daughter is going to graduate in just two days. She completed all the requirements and is now just finishing the hourly requirements, so it's smooth sailing from here for her. In addition, she aced her final (she really did make a 100 on it) and hopefully that means she'll also do well on her state board exam. Since she has always struggled with standardized tests, this is also a huge improvement in that way for her. In short, we're happy for and proud of her.

I've been procrastinating on some things work-wise, but I have a plan for getting everything done and staying on schedule despite the limited timeframe I have left in which to work. Why do I do this to myself any way? I just have to come up with one last idea for a borders class and write my newsletter this week. Ideally, I'd get it done on Tuesday and proof on Wednesday and then I could get the newsletter printed at the same time I print borders handouts for this week's class and save myself some gas. We'll see if I am THAT organized.

Too bad I can't also put off going to the health food store and the grocery store until I have the newsletter done, but I think we'd have to starve if I did that. How is it that I have my fridge stuffed full but there isn't anything in there to actually eat? I don't know how to cure it, and I know my mom's was always the same way. All the condiments in the universe and nothing to serve them with.

My husband's lawn mower is in the shop and he's had to borrow mowers from neighbors for two weeks. His is really fast and that was painfully obvious today because it took him so much longer to finish the yard and it was hot and he was feeling it when he finished. I'd hoped we might have time to go out to the lake and work on the boat that hasn't been out in nearly two years. No way is he going to agree to that right now. Maybe I'll get some of it done this week while he's out of town. My daughter thinks we've forgotten her birthday because I have a class that night and can't do anything with her and he'll be out of town, but we didn't. Life just gets in the way sometimes. He has a pretty full schedule and some big things going on at work and has to go to a convention next week, so this was the only chance he had to go check on things in St. Thomas. And in our defense, we thought she was going to her brother's for her birthday and we had nothing to do with the fact that he now has to go out of town, too, (though not to the Virgin Islands) and she has to postpone her trip.

Nevertheless, even with the little imperfections in my life, I know I am truly blessed. Blessings are always from the Lord, and I am thankful to Him for every good and perfect thing in my life.

Better

OK. Today was much better. My daughter and I had a chance to talk and I think she understood why I think like I do about her moods. My husband spent the whole morning working in the yard. He probably thought it was safer than being inside, but whatever the reason, he got many of the odd chores done that have needed to be done. One biggie was filling up all the tunnels our dog has been digging in his quest to see the Olympics. That's the only reason I can think of for his trying to dig to China. Of all days, he really went after it this morning, and it had rained, so my yellow lab/chow mix with all the coloring of the lab looked like a German Shepherd this morning. I am so frustrated with him. There wasn't time to get him cleaned up, of course, so that's how he looked when my husband's friends arrived.

Anyway, the gathering went well. We had a few burgers left, but not many, and he cooked all of them, so that means we have supper for tomorrow night and my daughter can take some for lunch this week. We saw about 4000 of the same photos, basically because they were all on the same trip, of course, but it was fun. My daughter laughed about the fact that our friends all left before 9. Hers stay later. That's true, but most of our friends live pretty far away from us. I'm just glad that they came and enjoyed it.

Hoping for a nice, quiet day tomorrow.

Grrrr!

I’m aggravated. I spent a small fortune getting something special for supper tonight that I thought everyone would really like and appreciate and they didn’t. In addition, if my daughter is down, she expects me to accept that and sympathize. Even if she’s just making herself sad. I’m tired of walking on eggshells every day waiting to see what kind of mood she’s in. All too often, her mood is directly dependent on the attention and behavior of whatever guy she currently has her eye on.

It is frustrating when she allows someone else to control her mood. It is frustrating when she is rude to me because I happen to be in her line of vision. It hurts when I ask a simple question about her day and she bites my head off. It hurts that no one ever asks me about my day.

In addition, I’ve cried twice this week about my dad. I need to move on, but sometimes it just sneaks up on me and overwhelms me again. I think I need a vacation. Maybe I’ll work on that. I feel guilty about wanting to go somewhere by myself, though. It doesn’t bother me if someone else goes without me, so why do I struggle with it?

Here’s hoping your day was better than mine and that we all have a better weekend.

Blahs

I have the "blahs" today. Nothing is wrong, but I think last week was so busy and chaotic with four activities here at the house in five days that I was switching gears so quickly I'm sure I stripped a few. It was fun, though. I'm not complaining, but I just can't get motivated to do anything today. It's not blazing hot today, either, and for a day in August, that is a real blessing.

Maybe I'm feeling a little of my aunt's downer. Though they were able to get all of the cancer and determined it had not spread at all, she still has to undergo chemotherapy and radiation. It will last through the end of the year and into 2009. That's a long stretch. In addition, she's been told the chemo will likely give her severe nausea throughout. That's about twelve weeks of feeling rotten. It's a disappointment that she has to go through all of this.

Maybe I'm just lazy today. That's a distinct possibility. I did go have an amazing facial and back treatment yesterday. Left there so relaxed I almost couldn't stay awake to drive home! But when I got home, I was hit with many different things I needed to take care of. I felt pulled by everyone and no one was even here. I had phones ringing, texts coming in and emails all calling for my immediate attention. Where was the peace and quiet? Obviously not here!

I tried to take a nap today, but I've had four calls soliciting various things this afternoon, so no nap. Maybe that's my problem. I'm just caught up in feeling like everyone wants something from me and I'm feeling the need to sit back and not be needed for awhile. We have one more "thing" on Saturday for my husband and a bunch of his friends/associates, and then I think I get a few days off. I'll even get a few days to myself when he goes out of town and my daughter goes to visit her brother at the same time. That sounds like fun, too. I like a few days to myself occasionally. I also like a few days when I don't have to cook for anyone. :-)

OK, feeling better since I got all of this out of my system. Tomorrow will be better!

Restored Friendship

Last year when my dad died was a horrible time for me. Not only was I dealing with paralyzing sadness and at times, depression, but I was overwhelmed with all the things I needed to do to help my mother. She'd always been so self-sufficient and it was a completely new role for me to have to step in and deal with finances and insurance and make decisions that could affect her for the rest of her life. Since we live over 650 miles apart, I had to go out there three times in six weeks and I spent hours on the phone every day. My mother was so down I was worried about her and that meant at least two calls a day to her in addition to the calls regarding whatever the latest problem I was working on was. All of that is to say that a casualty of all of this was a friendship I'd cherished for longer than I've known my husband. We said God had not given us sisters, so we got to choose our own.

I remember the last time she called me, she told me it was never a good time to call me. And she was right. I never wanted to talk on the phone. In fact, I still don't like to though I am better. I almost never pick up the phone to call someone unless there is a specific topic to discuss. I will visit if someone calls me, but I still don't initiate calls very often. I know that I am different. I am no longer depressed, but without a doubt, the emotion I am most capable of experiencing is still sadness. I have moments of happiness and I've never lost my joy in the Lord, but I'm just not the same person.

Today, the doorbell rang and I came bounding down the stairs expecting to find the mail carrier at the door, but it was my friend, my sister. She came bearing a Cappuccino Macchiato from Starbucks (I used to indulge, but cutting down on sugar mightily in the past couple of years made it a huge treat) and we had the opportunity to sit and talk for nearly six hours today. My husband joined us for lunch and we had a lot of catching up to do. And she cried when I shared what I'd been going through. She didn't know and now understands that she didn't know, and I couldn't have told her back then what was going on. I was struggling just to make myself get up every day and face what I had to do. It was months before I returned to a "normal" routine. We won't even pretend that I ever reached "normal". In fact, that was probably out of reach before the traumatic year. I said it so you wouldn't feel the need to point it out to me.

Still, the friendship has been restored. In fact, twice during the last week, I'd thought "I miss her". I think that was God preparing me for today. One of the times I thought that was when I was frantically sending out urgent requests for prayer for my daughter this week. I missed being able to add my "sister" to that group who was praying, but because we'd been out of touch, she wouldn't have known what the situation was that created this urgent need. So I am grateful to have her back in my life. I hope we return to our old patterns - and I believe we will, because just like real sisters, there have been other rough spots in our life together, but we've always overcome them.

She said she was afraid to come today. I'm sorry for that. I was never mad, just too overwhelmed to deal with anyone else's emotions at the time. I hope I learned something from all of this and I will do better in the next crisis. Undoubtedly, there will be others. I never want to push her away again, and I know I did that. But God has stepped in with yet another blessing this week.

By the way, He took care of my daughter's situation for that day. She's still going to have to deal with the same issues for a few more weeks, but He took care of it that day, and we will just continue to pray for her each day until she gets to move on to something else. And that day is coming, too.