Happy Birthday, Dad!

My dad has been in heaven for two years now. But had he lived, today would have been his 84th birthday. It is bittersweet to think of that. How can I not rejoice because he is where he is? How can I not miss him with an ache I had never dreamed would exist within me?

When I lost my grandmother, it didn't seem as real. I remember that six months after she died, I was watching television while I ironed and heard something that I knew she would think was funny. I had the phone in my hand and most of the number dialed before I remembered she wasn't there. 

I've never not remembered that my dad is gone. He stayed aggravated with me for much of the last three years of his life. On at least one occasion (and probably more I don't know about), he told my mother he wanted her to stop talking to me because every time she did, he ended up having to go to the doctor or the hospital. Apparently, the fact that he'd paid for my four years in nursing school escaped him at those times. 

As I write this, my father-in-law is nearing the end of his life. We have no idea how soon the end will come, of course - maybe weeks, maybe a couple of years - only God knows the number of his days, but I dread the days following. I hate for my husband and his brother to have to go through what I have already experienced. That first day waking up and realizing my father is no longer in the world with me. But my father-in-law is suffering loss of physical ability as well as confusion and disorientation daily. He is a challenge to my mother-in-law. He is the epitome of a control-freak and this weekend, he decided not to take his medicine. In addition he would only drink from a freshly-opened bottle because he thought someone was putting something in his drinks. You know, we hadn't thought of that, but maybe his medicine? No, I don't mean that, but he has been difficult. How can we not hope that God will soon release him from the prison that it his body? To know that he too is completely healthy and in the presence of our Lord is the best thing we can wish for him.

But with that joy comes the sadness of remaining in this world ourselves without those we love. One day, we will be reunited, my dad and I, my grandmother and my aunts and uncles and cousin who have gone on before, and that will be a good day for me. But it will not be a good day for my children and those I leave behind. 

I live my life hoping someone will miss me when I am gone and enjoying every moment of every day that I am here in the meantime. And Dad, I can't say it so you can hear it, but Happy Birthday. I'm thinking about you today.

Happy Spring!

It's spring in Texas. At least it is today. The sun is shining and promises warm temperatures. Most of the trees have new bright green leaves and my roses are blooming. It is truly my favorite time of year. 

Why does each year's new beginning speak to me so? It is a reminder of the new beginning in my life when I accepted Jesus as my Savior. Just as spring is a time of renewal of the earth, my spirit is renewed thinking about that time. Christ truly gave me a new life and a new heart. My gratefulness for that gift overflows at this time of the year.

Enjoy spring as it spreads throughout our nation. We have many things to be grateful for. I'll admit that I am seriously considering attending a TEA party this afternoon because we also have many problems and sometimes I think that Congress forgets they are there to represent me, not do their own thing. But overall, I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

The Center of His will is our Hiding Place

Last night, I went to a performance of "The Hiding Place". It was performed by a group of young people known as the Jeremiah People. In the spirit of a review, I will tell you that this small group brought to life the story of Corrie ten Boom and her family and their sacrifices and risks for the sake of an oppressed people in their beloved Holland during the occupation by Germany and World War II. 

They struggled with fears and finding enough provisions for all that they hid in their clock shop and home and they saved a number of them from a fate at the hand of the Nazis in concentration camps or worse. But in doing so, they placed themselves at risk for the same fate, and indeed, they were arrested and Corrie's father died about 10 days after their arrest and her sister, Betsie, died after several months in Ravensbruck concentration camp. 

But Betsie and Corrie learned that the Jews they'd hidden survived still hidden until a sympathizer was able to get to them and move them to other locations. And they rejoiced in that.

During their imprisonment, Corrie and Betsie endured horrible treatment at the hands of their captors and guards. For every sympathetic guard or act of kindness, there were dozens of beatings, insults and cruelties. Her spirit was gravely injured as well as her physical well-being. By the time Corrie was released, she was full of anger and hatred against her captors.

But God had a plan for Corrie. He used her to speak all over Holland, first, and then in Germany about the sustaining power of her amazing God. In one of those churches in Germany, she met a man who introduced himself as a new Christian, but a former guard at Ravensbruck. Corrie remembered him. She remembered him laughing at Betsie when she could hardly walk. And she remembered the smile on his face as he beat women. When he offered his hand to her, she couldn't lift her own. In desperation and with the realization that she needed to forgive this man because of God's commandment and for her own sake, Corrie cried out in her heart for God's help. And slowly, she found herself able to take the man's hand and felt the forgiveness flow through her.

And so it is with us. Has someone wronged you? Undoubtedly. Is forgiveness difficult? Most likely. But when we fail to forgive those who wrong us, it doesn't affect them in any way. Instead, we punish ourselves by becoming bitter and resentful. Those emotions rob us of our joy and our ability to see the blessings in our lives. Someone recently asked my pastor how we know when we've really forgiven someone. It's when you can pray for that person and genuinely ask for God to bless him. 

Usually, forgiveness isn't instantaneous. It is a process of several steps, but I encourage you as we approach Easter which is the celebration of the greatest act of forgiveness known to man to seek to forgive those in your life who have wronged you. And then, if you have not accepted God's forgiveness for your own wrong actions and thoughts, please do so. Allow His Son to give you the gift of His sacrifice that makes you right with God. There is no other way to that forgiveness, and even the "best" person in the world has made mistakes and is as guilty in the eyes of God as the worst criminal. As a Christian, I am no better than that criminal either because I continue to make mistakes and sin in my daily life. The only difference is I know I am forgiven. My prayer is that you experience that same assurance in your life.

One of Life's Lessons

Life's lessons are often painful. Most of the time, the pain comes because of the decisions we made or the paths we took to arrive at the point where the lesson is learned. Those painful times are part of the process and we see them as a "punishment" of sorts or the "discipline" we have earned for the choices made.

More painful than those lessons, though, are the ones that come through no fault of our own. Those lessons that come at the hand of someone we liked, trusted, even admired only to realize they are not only humans with clay feet but that they lead double lives and the illusion of who they are does not meet with the reality of the people behind the facades.

Such is the lesson learned by one of my children this week. Actually, some of the lesson was learned three months ago, but the final blows took place this week. So rare is it for my son to voice hurt that I originally took his declaration as a joke and thought little of it. It wasn't until a mutual friend expressed concern and suspicion as to the source of the hurt that I pursued it. Sure enough, the friend was right and the hurt is real.

Initially, I was angry and wanting to seek the opportunity to set the culprit right about his attitude and actions Ultimately, I now recognize that I cannot do that for someone else. I have to take the high road as does my son. Rats! Sometimes it stinks to be a Believer with instructions from the Son of God regarding righteous indignation and anger and that frustrating 70x7 forgiveness thing. I want revenge. 

"`Vengeance is Mine', saith the Lord."

Double Rats! I want retribution.

"Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us."

The RATS are everywhere!

How many times have I advised my children to "kill `em with kindness" when wronged by someone? To "return good for evil"? That "what [he] meant for evil, God meant for good"?

Expect the blessing. Know that if my son is faithful to the Lord and His teaching in this incident, he will be blessed. Waiting for that blessing is a challenge, but hearing my son tell me within a few hours of the hurt that he learned what kind of person he doesn't want to be is a blessing already. There will be more. Will God withhold blessing from the person who inflicted this turmoil? Possible, but perhaps not. It's not ours to speculate nor are we to wish for that.

Do I?

Yep!

Right now I still do, but God is already dealing with my heart and the anger that kept me awake for a couple of hours during the night is abating. I am left with confidence in my son and his response. I'm not "there" yet, but I'm on my way. I won't do any of the things that I thought of doing during the night. I won't contact the offending party nor name him here, though I seriously considered that. I thought about posting a comment on a message board for many to see knowing no one monitors it and I could get away with it for awhile, but that's not the right thing to do. So I will be satisfied with this blog. And I will trust God to continue perfecting His work in me and my son.